An Apology to Every Wasted Summer

The story of every summer is a pretty similar one. It always starts with an idea, a goal, a dream.

“This summer I will finally teach myself to play the guitar”
“This summer I will finally get off my backside and get fit”
“This summer I will finally get round to writing more, doing more, etc etc …”

It then reaches around this point in the year, early August, when the realisation hits that there is only one month left until summer will be over again. All that time gone; already wasted. The guitar sits in the corner, abandoned after two weeks of earnest practice. Trainers sit by the door following the ten minute jog that happened once. The blog that was started with so much enthusiasm, slowly gets forgotten about as procrastination and creative block hits in full force.

So many summers have suffered the same sad fate. “I’ll do it tomorrow, next week, next month …”. Summer offers so much potential and free time, and yet so little motivation. Maybe it’s all psychological. The goal always fails, and so effort is not put in the next year as the outcome of giving up is seen as inevitable. But there is still no drive to actually change the pattern of behaviour. A cycle of self-sabotage. Project after project doomed to die a sad, slow death from the start.

To all the wasted summers, I am sorry I didn’t put the effort in. I’m hoping to change my habits in the future, but who knows how that will turn out?

 

A thought on blogging

Writing is hard. Much harder than I thought it would be.

When I was younger I used to write all the time. I would write songs, poems, stories. I would print off all the pages and put them together into a make-shift book. All I dreamed of doing as a grown-up was being an author. That dream ended when I was in secondary school and I realised I was better at science, and average at writing.

As a child I had so much imagination. I never ran out of anything to write about, was never short of ideas. There was no fear of judgement, no self-criticism or crippling perfectionism. That is what I need to find again: the attitude that not everything has to be perfect.

But writing and creating is still something I really enjoy, and something I have decided to start doing again (for the hundredth time). Hopefully I’ll stick to it this time.